Archive for the ‘just for fun’ Category
Resimay
To hoom it mae cunsern,
I waunt to apply for the job what I saw in the paper. I can Type realee quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting..
I think I am good on the phone and I no I am a pepole person, Pepole really seam to respond to me well. Certain men and all the ladies.
I no my spelling is not to good but fi nd that I offen can get a job thru my persinately. May salerey is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think I am werth,
I can start emeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser.
Hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.
Sinseerly,
BRYAN
PS : Because my resimay is a bit short-below is a pickture of me
Employer’s Response:
Dear Bryan,
It’s OK honey, we’ve got spell check.
See you Monday
Why not… 
$7 SEX
A Florida couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist’s office. The doctor asks, ‘What can I do for you?’ The man says, ‘Will you watch us have sexual intercourse? ‘ The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees. When the couple finishes, the doctor says, ‘There’s absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse. ‘ He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye.
The next week, the same couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees. This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.
Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, ‘I’m sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?’ The man says, ‘We’re not trying to find out anything. She’s married so we can’t go to her house. I’m married and we can’t go to my house.
The Holiday Inn charges $98.
The Hilton charges $139.
We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare.
Hehehe…
Love Letters
LETTER TO MY DEAR WIFE
Dear Nicole,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good. I’ve been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for It. These last two weeks have been hell. Mr. Lopez called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn’t even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore, you don’t want sex anymore or anything. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore. Whatever the case is, I’m gone.
Your EX-Husband,
Tom
P.S. Don’t try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to Toronto together this summer ! Have a great life!
———————————————————————————————————
Dear Ex-Husband,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and gripping. Too bad that doesn’t work.
I did notice when you got a hair cut last week, but my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say anything nice. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with my SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago..
I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the
price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my SISTER had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning …. and your silk boxers were $49.99 !
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out, so when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for sixty-nine million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two first class tickets to Manila, but when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won’t get a dime from me.. So take care.
Signed,
Rich , Freeeee & Available ,….. Nicole .
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this but Jacquie , my SISTER, was born Jack . I hope you don’t have a problem with your hemorrhoids.
She’s no Jacquie ….. he’s Jack !
The Colonoscopy
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge. “I should be in charge,” said the brain, “Because I run all the body’s systems, so without me nothing would happen.” “I should be in charge,” said the blood,”because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you’d all waste away.”
“I should be in charge,” said the stomach, “because I process food and give all of you energy.” “I should be in charge,” said the legs, because I carry the body wherever it needs to go.”
“I should be in charge,” said the eyes, ”Because I allow the body to see where it goes.” “I should be in charge,” said the rectum, “Because I’m responsible for waste removal.”
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic.
They all decided that the rectum should be the boss. The Moral of the story? The ass hole is usually the one in charge!
Husband Store
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE !
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch . . .. you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband .
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 – These men have jobs and love the Lord.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
‘Wow,’ she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.
‘Oh, mercy me!’ she exclaims, ‘I can hardly stand it!’
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 – You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!
